Your Relationship with Food Parallels Every Other Relationship in Your Life.

How is your relationship with food similar to your relationship with people, things, money, sexuality, drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances?  Do you over work or over spend?  When was the last time you treated yourself to something special because you felt you deserved it? Do you binge on people..and then find that you do not want anyone near you?  Is one drink not enough?

Please post your response in the comments.


23 thoughts on “Your Relationship with Food Parallels Every Other Relationship in Your Life.

  1. My relationship with food is similar to my relationships in life – the better it is, the more time I spend with it. If I try a cookie and it tastes exceptionally good, I will eat five or six more. If I try on a t-shirt and it fits just right and hugs my body the right way, I will buy two or three of them. I don’t like to be alone, and when I am alone I rarely overeat. When I am in the company of friends and the atmosphere is good, I tend to indulge.

  2. “How is your relationship with food similar to your relationship with people, things, money, sexuality, drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances? Do you over work or over spend? When was the last time you treated yourself to something special because you felt you deserved it? Do you binge on people..and then find that you do not want anyone near you? Is one drink not enough?”
    I do not feel my relationship to food is similar to any of my other relationships. It is the one area where I can say no and where I can control myself, actually. I am horrible with money, I rarely say no if someone wants to sleep with me even if I really do not want to sleep with them (provided I am single; when in a relationship, I am faithful), and I do not go near drugs nor other addictive substances except alcohol. (Meaning that every once in a while I will have a glass or two of wine, but no more. Hm, I have control over my drinking too!)

    Last time I treated myself to something special? Uhm, I make a point of doing small, cheap things for myself to make me feel good – doing my nails, have a pedicure at home, that sort of thing. In that aspect, the last time was actually yesterday, when I did my nails. On a larger scale, it would be in December, when I ordered flannel PJs and a pair of slippers from VS.

    I binge on people sometimes, but most of the time I find myself in a huge group and realise that I am not comfortable at all.

    Now, I would not classify myself as someone with at eating disorder, but all the women in my family have a, in the words of my mother, “strained relationship with food and exercise”, which certainly has rubbed off on me too. Does that still make me welcome?

  3. I overeat and I overspend. I’ve noticed I do both because of generalized anxiety. I often choose to eat when I am not hungry because of this. I’m having a hard time moving forward with intuitive eating because of this. I’m responding to this blog because I am hoping written reflection may help me move forward. I’ve also realized I do not spend enough time doing things that bring me joy, so I am trying to address that as well. Today I hope to eat regular meals, consider my hunger and satiety and move my body. Thanks for starting this blog.

  4. This is an interesting way to look at your relationship with food and try to gain some perspective. Most of the time I’m baffled by my feelings for food/eating.. but I better understand my relationships with people etc. I do like to be alone for the most part or around very close friends, this could be why I seek comfort in foods and over eat when I am alone. I like to buy myself nice things, I enjoy life.. but sometimes I feel I deprive myself of certain things and then overindulge.. there is not a great balance and that is similar in way to my relationship with food. I tend to eat very light through the day and binge eat at night to the point of uncomfortably. I don’t have an addictive personality when it comes to anything else but food. At times it is like I am not in control and will just eat until there is no more food left.. if anyone has dealt with this before or has some suggestions I am open to comments 🙂

  5. This is such a wonderful opportunity…thank you for creating this blog! I’m scared to write about myself and at the same time I feel like this could help me in my healing journey…and it certainly helps me to not feel alone as I read other people’s entries.

    I believe that “how I do anything, is how I do everything”…I can’t remember who said that…but it feels true for me.
    I’ve been struggling with bulimia on and off for over 20 years…and I could say the same for intimate relationships…at times I feel such joy and love and peacefulness with myself, food, and others…and then at times I feel such extreme anxiety around food and people. The anxiety and/or depression seems to fuel my action towards binging or starving myself….and sometmes I love being with people and at other times I just want to crawl into my little cave and not be around others at all…
    Deep down I have the sense that I am afraid to just be who I am in each moment…that it is not acceptable…that I have to be “on” all the time…and this applies to eating as well as being with people…I suppose I have this “perfectionism” in both areas…
    I notice that I overwork and then crash…I worry about my lack of income a LOT…I don’t overspend…and I don’t struggle with other substances other than food…
    and I wanted to respond to “s.”…thanks for your comments…I, too, feel baffled by my feelings around food/eating…I’ve read a lot, been to lots of therapy…so mentally I understand…but I don’t feel as if my understanding has deepened into my body and soul.

  6. This is the first blog I have ever been a part of. I think it is a great idea and hope it will help with my recovery. I struggle with anorexia. I’m afraid to like food; for fear I may enjoy it. I don’t trust myself. I have a difficult time expressing my emotions. When I don’t work on my feelings I isolate from friends, family and food. I have been workiing with a therapist with my self esteem and having a voice. It has been a very difficult recovery…so many times I feel I take one step forward and 3 back. I’m afraid…afraid of making more mistakes in my life.

  7. Hi everyone, I’ve decided to start an online journal to help address my issues with eating. My posts will be locked to friends only, I’d like to keep some sense of privacy, so if you wish to read and comment you’ll also have to have an account.. but I’ve read keeping food journals, or any kind of journal, is helpful in addressing all sorts of issues. It might be a great addition to this community. Here is a link to my journal.. to read, add me as a friend 🙂

  8. Thank you for starting this blog. The questions you asked are very though provoking. “How is your relationship with food similar to your relationship with people, things, money, sexuality, drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances? Do you over work or over spend? When was the last time you treated yourself to something special because you felt you deserved it? Do you binge on people..and then find that you do not want anyone near you? Is one drink not enough?”

    I overwork and overspend, I have clutter in my purse, my home, my desk at work. I never treat myself to something special-I never feel worthy or good enough. I need my time alone and can’t stand anyone near me-except for pets. I do not binge on alcohol, drugs or sex, but I have an enormous appetite for tea, coffee, coke (soft drink) and candies.

    I am working hard at the connection between overeating and overdoing other areas of my life-such as slowing down to do a job properly instead of rushing, saying no to people, and trying to make everyone happy.

    Thank you for letting me express my thoughts-it really helps.

  9. Thanks, Beverly, for providing this forum. I’m going to add a link to it in my blog ( I think you’re providing a really useful and needed service!

  10. I suppose that in many ways my eating disorder does reflect my relationships. Whenever my eatoing disorder symptoms start to get really bad, I tend to isolate/restrict my friends and family and their access to me. I suppose if I thought deeper about this I could write several pages, but this is all I have off the top of my head.

  11. Tonight I am joining friends for a night of Wii and fun. There will be snacks and then dinner. I am fixated on the snacks -chips, dip, etc. Once I start eating I have a hard time stopping-almost getting a buzz from the continual motion of reaching for the food, putting it in my mouth, chewing, swollowing and then doing it over and over and over again. I am embarrassed at not being able to enjoy a few and stop and wonder if other people notice how much I am eating. If I overeat tonight in an unconscious manner I will have a food “hangover” tomorrow and will be consumed with guilt.

    I am writing these thought in hopes that seeing them will reduce the anxiety and guilt I have and help me not to binge by acknowledging the disease.

  12. when i feel anxious, i just want to eat…and even when my stomach hurts….i just still want to stuff my feelings…especially when i am at work and i can’t get outside to move my body…i feel trapped and the only thing i can think of to help is to eat something….but i’m tired of doing this…
    i’m already nervous about this weekend and spending time with my boyfriend…he doesn’t know that i struggle with eating…
    thanks for listening/reading….

  13. My relationship with food does seem to reflect other areas of my life in some ways. Food was a comfort when I was growing up. Special foods were “treats” or rewards – dessert if you cleaned your plate, popcorn and soda on a Friday evening watching something special on TV. As an adult, every day finds me eating “treats” to the point that they are no longer treats but everyday fare. I think that I am the proverbial “kid in the candy shop” – leave me alone with no one to be accountable to and I will eat the goodies until they are gone. It really is a childish way to live.

    I have had difficulty with the usual routes of weight loss and realized long ago that I have a tendency toward “all or nothing” living. If I have a “bad” eating day, then I find myself thinking “today is shot” and I’ll go overboard with eating thinking “tomorrow I’ll have another chance to get it right.” But tomorrow never comes. There are other things in life that I approach the same way – if I can’t get it all done today, or if I can’t make this a full time activity, then I’m just not going to bother. I believe this may be a form of OCD, as there are some minor, rather silly things that I see myself do that I’m sure are OCD.

  14. Let me start off by saying thank you for giving me the option to post here. I like this much better than having little notebooks everywhere as I continue my journey into self analysis and how it relates to the eating disorder that fights to become my only identity. I am not happy to report that some of the toxic behaviors that I thought were gone forever have returned. What I would like to find out is how they became incorporated to my days again. I was so confident that I would not ALLOW this to happen.
    The eating disorder program that I was recently so blessed to take part in taught me many many things and I will use the information learned to again take the reigns of this beast and turn the tables of control.
    As to the topic question, I feel that choas and lack of routine seems to rule the physical act of eating. When I have other things that must be done, I do not stop to take care of myself (eating a meal) until the other things have been managed. As of the past week or two, it gets to be late at night before I consider the fact that I have not had dinner or lunch or even breakfast. I will have grazed on a minimal amount throughout the day. It appears when there are things negatively effecting the lives of those who are close to me, it is these things that I spend most of my day worrying about and trying to fix. Whether it be my sons learning disabilities or most recently my daughters arrest and the fact that she is facing 25 years in prison and she is only 16 years old.
    I guess I still feel like I have to be the band-aid for the wounds of others. I feel as if it is my job to become the problem solver. For instance, an attorney is out of the question for my daughter and I will not leave my child’s fate in the hands of another county employee (court appointed attorney) based on past experiences. I have been burnt by the flame on more than one occasion, so I am not even going to go near the fire anymore. That has left me to make the choice to represent her myself. In doing so, if the decision of the court is not in her favor, will I then blame myself? Will I fall back into old patterns that once dominated who I am? I hope not.
    There are many times throughout everyday that I hear the words of my precious teachers bouncing off the lobes of my brain. Is this decision is my highest good? I will observe the situation and then decide if I need to react. I am listening instead of just hearing. I am waiting until others have finished speaking and think about my response or deciding whether or not I even need to respond. I am not getting toxic in times of financial distress because I was taught that nothing last forever. As a matter of fact, it is in these times of financial difficulty that I find gratitude in EVERYTHING. I have discovered what I like to call “desperate creativity”. When I am in need of something I cannot buy at that time, I find a way to make the “something” myself and I am thankful that I am usually happy and content with my creations.
    I have not become a slave to the scale again although I did check it today and found there has been a reduction. I am not pleased about this, but I will not allow it to convince me that I have failed.
    I think when the environment around me is toxic I tend to retreat into my old world again. When I find others are not listening to my words and they are only hearing my voice, I again get frustrated and find that I fall back into old patterns.
    There are many many things that I could find responsible for keeping my eating disordered. I have to just dig deeper and find out how to stop it all from happening.
    By the way….. I MISS ALL OF YOU!!!!

  15. What an appropriate question for me at this time. I have struggled with anorexia (and bulimia) since I was 13 years old and will be 40 in September. I filed for divorce several months ago because my husband’s abuse became increasingly violent. I struggle with alcohol as well as I try to numb the feelings of guilt associated with the divorce and what it will do to my 5 year old son, who appears to be pulling away from me more and more each day. I feel as if my world is coming to an end at times and I know in each area, my relationship with food and myself has played a key role. I know that the only way I will be able to live a happy, healthy life is to get my relationship with food under control. That will teach me the boundaries that I need for future relationships with men, the ability to be able to sit with uncomfortable feelings and show my son that I love and respect myself.
    Thank you for this blog. I have never posted an email before and I appreciate the opportunity to share my “voice”.

  16. Thank you to all the brave ladies who have posted here. I am currently in such a whirlwind that I can barely come up with my own insights into my abusive relationship with food. Reading your posts has helped me to find a more grounding place. I am not sure where to go from here, but being here is raw as it stands.

  17. I’m the parent of a teen girl who has a very bad habit of denying herself a meal because she is petrified of becoming the least bit fat. Although she doesn’t appear to be anorexic, her eating habits are not healthy as they could be.., nor are her relationships with adults and her peers alike. When she was a “kid”, she was bigger than everyone else on the whole. She was teased relentlessly and still feels she is that person when she looks in the mirror. This young lady, my daughter, is a beautiful girl but she does not agree and nobody can convince her of it. I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing by contacting this Center for help since she is feels hurt that I think she needs help. But I can’t sit and watch the years go by while her level of happiness is so extremely low that it’s painful to watch. This comment may not fit into this category on this blog, but I would like to put this message out there for any comments from all of you with your experience.

  18. Mary,
    I think it is so great that you posted a message on this site. When I was 18 my mother told me I had a check up with the doctor and it turned out to be an eating disorder specialist. I was so hurt and angry that she thought I had a problem, and I remember not talking to her for days. I was bulimic myself, but I would tell myself that I was just taking the necessary measures to look good. Now, a few years later, I am finally free of the pain my eating disorder had caused me, and had it not been for my mom taking me to talk about it, I am not sure I would be living the life I am now! I can not tell you whether or not your daughter has an eating disorder, but what I can tell you is that getting her help will only help in the long run. Many times disorders start off in ways such as denying yourself one meal, only to soon be denying yourself all meals. In my opinion it would be great to get her some sort of help that she can turn to. Her relationship with food is clearly unhealthy, I think Innerdoor would be a great place to start. I hope the best for both you and your daughter, I hope I could help!

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