What would you need to change in your relationships in order to heal your relationship with food?

It’s generally not about food.  It’s your relationships that may be out of balance.  You then turn to or away from food or other addictive substances to deal with these painful emotions that surface when you have to face these negative relationships.  In order to change your relationship with food, you have to address the core issues.  For many, it is their relationship with people, money or the need to have “things” as a substitute for dealing with the issue at hand.  What do you need to change?


8 thoughts on “What would you need to change in your relationships in order to heal your relationship with food?

  1. I try to be confident and strong and ask for very little help, but in reality I believe I would require lots of gentle help to overcome my unhealthy relationship with food. Most of the people in my life are extremely understanding and doing everything they can.. but I feel disappointed in them for not being.. psychic almost! I’ve opened up a little to some of my closer friends and family and giving them this information has made it easier for them to be more supportive and understanding of my situation. This tendency to be very guarded and shut in and then hurt is a unhealthy cycle I use to almost make myself unhappy.. my grandmother used to say I do this because I don’t believe I deserve happiness or success, so I self sabotage. I believe some people in my family do this also.

    So, to get the relationship I desire with food.. I think I would need to tell people what I need more, be more honest, and unguarded, and open up about what it is I want in that moment. I need to allow myself to look to others for help and give them the information they need to help me. I’m not sure how to elaborate more or be more exact.. but I think being very guarded and reverting inside, being closed up, is typical of people going through food issues and to help break the cycle we need to ask for help and be accepting of it.

  2. after more thought..

    I also need to stop blaming others and using my weight as a way to punish others I’m unhappy with, or as a way to feel in control and as a way to get attention. There are other healthy ways to be vibrant and alive and get positive attention, not have to be in control of every moment, forgive, and be happy and comfortable in my body no matter what the scale says.

  3. I need to start believing the compliments people give me, mostly – in other words, I need to start trusting others, no matter what they say. (Right now I trust the negative things they say, and try to change everything into something negative.)

    I think that if I manage to get my life under control – money, job, education, that kind of thing – then my strained relationship with food will get better. I also lost a lot of weight over a relatively short period of time, so my head has not quite managed to catch up with my body – I still look fat to me, but everyone else tells me to stop losing weight because I am already walking on the border of what is too thin and what is healthy for my body type.

  4. I believe that my relationship with myself is out of balance. What I notice is that I am unaccepting of who I am….what I do…how I feel. I wonder what it will take for me to allow myself to just be as I am. Why is this so hard? I’ve had years of therapy…and still there seems to be a demon inside my head that tells me I am defective…and then I turn to food because I want the old comfort that I used in childhood.
    I’m afraid to completely speak my truth in each moment. I notice that the more I shut myself “down”…or tell myself that I “shouldn’t” feel something…anything…then my relationship to food gets distorted. I feel like a caged bird most of the time…and I know it is my own self that puts me there…I don’t know how to allow myself the freedom of my feelings.

  5. Growing up food was how we connected; celebrated; comforted; gave and received love. It is cultural and deeply entrenched in my family. That means I developed neuropathways the supported these connections. So knowledge isn’t enough. I notice today, that I turn to food to feel comforted, nourished emotionally and loved. It also is the one place where I tend to give myself permission to be “bad”. I follow the rules, try to be good but this means sacrificing my authencitiy. That tension brings up the desire for more self acceptance and instead of working through that, I tend to reach for food to comfort that longing. Its time to reach deeper within and nourish my longing for acceptance from my soul rather than temporary fixes, like food. That is a one choice at a time prospect.

  6. I have always used food as a “friend” and to fill a hole in my life. Two years ago, I was fortunate enough to participate in a clinical study for people suffering with eating disorders and with a lot of hard work and help of a Psychologist learned that I was feeding the little girl inside-and that was ok, because that is what I had to do to survive. It was totally enlightening for me.

    The Psychologist provided me with a number of coping tools to use instead of food. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t, but at least now I know that overeating is a coping mechanism and that it was the only resource I had at that time as a child and I don’t have to keep using food in that manner. The little girl is ok now.

  7. Awareness and acceptance are the first steps in moving forward. We can talk about how we feel along with strategies for coping. But ultimately, it is allowing yourself to feel–as pleasant or as unpleasant as these feelings may be–while experiencing new ways to approach difficult situations. Sometimes talk therapy is not enough. It is great to read all of your posts. Keep them coming.

  8. I think what I would need to feel is acceptance from others. When I tell someone what I need to do, they proceed to tell me that I am wrong and I MUST accept their way. When I get bad life altering news for instance and need to take time to be alone with my music and a candle to observe the feelings I have and formulate what my response will be. Family insists on their need to be in my hula hoops (emotional and physical personal space for those not acquainted with the terminology) and will not accept that I need to take this time.

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